Polyamory, open relationships, swinging?! Are these all just terms for the same thing or do they mean something different?! Learn about the exciting world of consensual nonmonogamy (CNM) and find out if it's the right fit for you.
The important thing to remember is that all of the types of non-monogamy we’re talking about here are consensual; meaning that all parties involved have knowledge of the situation ahead of time and have consented to everything.
Open Relationships
This is like an umbrella or catch-all term for basically all of the following types of CNM. A couple will decide to “open up” the relationship, choosing to bring others into the dynamic (for sex, a relationship, BDSM play, etc.) while still remaining primary partners. This can be done in all sorts of unique ways as you’re about to read!
Polyamory
Polyamory is used to describe folks who desire to have more than one type of sexual and/or romantic relationship with different people at the same time. There is no “right” way to do polyamory, it will likely look different from person to person and relationship to relationship. The important thing to remember is that everyone’s boundaries are being adhered to.
Within polyamory, relationships can take on all sorts of different structures.
- A throuple is like a couple, but with 3 people; the relationship is equal between all 3 partners.
- Same goes for a quad which is the same concept but with 4 people instead.
Sometimes polyamorous people will talk about their relationship as being hierarchical or non-hierarchical:
- Hierarchical involves a ranking system with relationships, including having “primary” or “secondary” partners and some relationships have priorities over others
- Non-hierarchical instead rejects this ranking system and typically values all relationships equally. Not to say there aren’t still boundaries and structural differences, but these things don’t change the importance of the relationship.
Swinging
Swinging is typically when a couple is looking to engage in physical sex with other individuals and/or couples whether they participate altogether (like in a group sex situation*) or whether they “switch partners”. Most of the time, this play happens together at the same time and place (like at someone’s house), but not always!
*Folks who like to engage in group sex with other people whether through threesomes, foursomes, orgies, sex parties, and more!
“Cuckold” & “Hot Wife”
These terms are both unique and refer to specific types of CNM situations that usually revolve around a (heterosexual) couple.
Cuckolding is a type of humiliation BDSM play in which a female partner* has sex with a different male partner* (usually someone to be seen as strong and attractive to her) in front of the male partner, often with the goal of making him feel inferior sexually.
*However folks of all genders and orientations can have fun with this type of scenario!
Hot wife is an arrangement that hinges on sexual confidence rather than sexual humiliation. The theory is that one partner (often male, but not always!) is aroused by other people flirting, hitting on, and trying to sleep with their partner (often female). For most folks, it doesn’t typically lead to physical sex with others, but sometimes it can!
Monogamish
Monogamish people are in relationships that are mostly monogamous, however there are agreed upon situations or exceptions to have sex with others such as at a sex party, when someone is travelling, for the odd threesome, etc.
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