Look we get it, sex is messy. And more than that, not all sex can be great; sometimes it’s off and the chemistry just isn’t there. It can be awkward, fumbly, embarrassing, and even hilarious!

We here at Stag Shop are no strangers to awkward and hilarious sexual encounters. We may be the sexperts & professionals, but we are definitely all still human. From those of us here at the head office to all of the staff in our various store locations - we’ve been there. So sit back, relax, and enjoy reading about the very TRUE and anonymous HORRIFYING sex and masturbation stories all supplied by our wonderful Stag Shop staff!

1. Buzz Buzz Baby

I had just moved in with my boyfriend's sister and he was helping to move me in. When we were alone in my bedroom, we started making out and one thing lead to another. His sister (and my new roommate) was home at the time but in her room so we thought we had enough privacy. Well, my vibrator fell not only onto the floor but behind the bed! Those things are NOT quiet when bouncing around on the ground! It took a bit of fumbling to finally find it and turn it off. My roommate never said anything to us after that but we know she heard (and maybe even felt!) the good vibrations too.

2. My Brother...The Virgin?

One night while I was half asleep, my older, very awkward brother came running into my room asking if I had any condoms. Without really thinking about it, I gave him one and went back to relaxing. It wasn’t until a short time later that it clicked that my best friend at the time was still downstairs in his room. I was then reminded that our vents were connected as I started to hear my brother lose his virginity before booking it to spend the rest of the night in the garage - talk about being scarred for life.

3. Puppet Show, Oh No!

My boyfriend and I had another couple staying overnight with us one night after drinking. To give us both privacy, we put a sheet up across the side of the bed so they could sleep on the bed, while we slept on the floor, on the other side of the sheet. Well in the middle of the night, the light through the window had cast a shadow puppet show onto the sheet of our friends having sex. I guess they were trying to be quiet, but the moonlight had given them (and their positions) away!

4. DIY Disaster

One night my fiance and I tried using the clone-a-willy to make a mould of his penis. In case you didn’t know, he needs to remain hard the ENTIRE time. So as I’m trying to keep him hard, his penis going into the liquid mould made a sound just like those fart toys we had as kids. I started dying laughing, while he’s laughing and yelling at me to try to keep him hard! After the whole ordeal, we left the room and his brother and all of his friends were standing there. They had heard the entire situation - the fart noises, me laughing, and him yelling “KEEP ME HARD!” So if you’re ever wanting to try a Clone-A-Willy - do it in private!!

5. Not So Magic Mike

After Magic Mike came out, all I wanted was for my boyfriend to strip for me...be careful what you wish for. One night, he decided to tie me up to a chair and do a sexy strip tease. He wanted to move things to the bed so lifted up the chair with the intention of dumping me onto the bed but instead dumped the whole chair as I was still tied to it! So there I am face down, chair up that’s NOT the way I wanted to f***.

6. Oh, Gag Me!

So my first time ever giving a guy head, I was about 15 years old, dating this guy for a few months. He and I had been talking about starting to explore sex with each other, and he said we should start with oral, and I said sure. I was very nervous though and unsure of what to do exactly, he explained it, so once I had started, he was clearly enjoying it, and he put his hands on the back of my head and started to push my head down a little further I didn’t really mind it, so I just let him keep helping me out. Welllll, he pushed my head down a little too hard and too fast and.....it triggered my gag reflex... and I threw up! In the middle of giving him a blowjob! I just kinda sat there for a minute looking down because I didn't know what to do and neither did he really!! Needless to say, we broke up shortly after that and never spoke again!

7. Clean Hands?

One day my younger sister came to visit me in my dorm room. I totally forgot that I had spent the night before hanging out with myself and my toys in bed...if you know what I mean. Well, I guess I had left some of my tools out because as we were sitting on my bed talking, she found a bottle of lube! Even funnier, she had no idea what it was and actually thought it was hand sanitizer! She proceeded to put some on her hands and rub it in as I started dying laughing. Once she realized that slick glide wasn’t going away anytime soon, I let her in onto what it actually was. We both broke out into laughter and now we’re both sure to check my bed before sitting down.

8. Classy & Gassy

My bf and I had been dating a while but were still in the stage where we were trying to keep the illusion of sexy (for example no burping, closed bathroom door always, etc). So one night we are getting into it and he goes down on me. He was amazing, it didn’t take me long to reach climax, and just as I felt super relaxed and was about to orgasm, I farted....pretty much right in his face!! I was mortified. But we both started laughing hysterically so it helped ease the embarrassment.....sort of.

9. Fallin' For You

I was talking to this guy online and we decided to meet up in person for a nice walk outside. We parked down a side road that was hidden from the main road by trees. After a delightful stroll, we began to make out like teenagers outside when we returned to my car. When he took off his pants, he was huge! So big, that we had some positioning and leverage issues. I proceeded to pop my trunk and leaned forward, placing my hands on the bottom ledge of the back window inside the trunk of my car. Now I had leverage, and a secure place for my hands! As we were grinding and pulsing together, faster and faster, banging and slapping skin together, suddenly my hand slipped off the ledge and my forehead smashed into the open trunk lid and I fell into the trunk of the car! We both finished successfully, had a good laugh at what happened, and now I have a hilarious story!

10. Hard Feelings

On about the 3rd date or so with this really hot girl, we had some great sex. We were lying in bed together afterwards and for some random reason I blurted out "I love you" (which I didn't!!) The girl then turns her head at me wide-eyed with a look like "wtf" so then again, for some random unknown reason, I thought it was a good idea to say “Nooooo I’m not in love with you”. She looked at me like I was batshit crazy (I don’t blame her), then asked: "so which is it...?" And I knew, either way, I was screwed, but of course, I wasn’t actually in love with her so I said, “ No no I’m sorry I’m not in love with you.” She then proceeded to leave and I never heard from her again! Lesson learned!!