So what is BDSM really? And how can you begin to explore it in your own life?
BDSM is an acronym that stands for only some of the kinds of BDSM play;
“Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism”
BDSM can mean something different to different folks and there are MANY ways to play. Within the community, there are often tops, bottoms, dominants, and submissives; these terms can help to identify one’s preferences, but it’s important to remember as with any labels that they could change over time, or you could identify with more than one!
A BDSM encounter is typically called a scene.
Scenes can take place anywhere; in the bedroom, during a sex party, at a sex club, etc. The word is commonly used within the community as well, such as in the context of; “I just had a scene with them”, or “we’re going to scene together at the next party”
Sex isn’t always the main objective.
Sometimes it is, and sometimes it’s more about other things like power; it’s all about sexual and personal preferences!
…which also means that BDSM can be as simple or as intense as you want it to be!
It’s not all about pain either.
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For some it is, but a BDSM scene or relationship could also be sensual. If you haven’t figured out what we’re trying to get at yet, basically there is NO one way to have a BDSM relationship and it will likely look different for everyone!
Safety is everything.
Before you play, you have to know what you’re doing. You can seriously hurt yourself or a partner if you don’t do the research. Even things like whips, cuffs, and rope can go horribly wrong if not used properly.
There are many resources out there; from books, to online, and even local meetings or workshops. It’s important to get different perspectives too, because what may work for one person or one couple, may not work for others…even those with the same preferences or kinks!
Communication is a must.
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So much trust and communication goes into each scene, even before it begins. Before you play, discuss what you like and don’t like, what you want the scene to look like, what is absolutely off-limits, and of course, a safeword to determine boundaries.
The best way to come up with a safeword is to use a word you would never normally use in a scene. So maybe things like “no”, or “stop” are only a good idea if you don’t plan on using those words in your fantasy scene.😉
Pro Tip: If your play involves someone not being able to speak (for example with the use of a mouth gag), be sure to come up with an alternative to a safe WORD such as a tapping on the shoulder, the time out sign, etc.
Let's Talk Aftercare
For some, a BDSM scene can be an emotional and intense experience, leaving them very vulnerable. Aftercare gives everyone involved a time to talk about the scene, what worked and what didn’t, and the comfort given to one another can be quite a bonding experience as well!
Conclusion
If you think you want to give the world of BDSM a try, go for it!
- If you’re in a relationship, start by having a discussion with your partner and go from there. Talk about which parts about BDSM specifically you would and wouldn’t like to explore (such as restraints or spanking).
- Choose one adventure at a time to embark on (you don’t want to get overwhelmed!) and then you can really focus on what aspects you like and don’t like.
- Don’t forget to talk, talk, and talk some more! Discuss; soft & hard limits, fantasies, props, safe words, aftercare, and more!
Most importantly, have fun exploring some of your wildest fantasies, be it on your own or with a partner
...and scene!
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