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If you were to think about the word sex, for many the first thing they will define it as is penis-in-vagina heterosexual and cisgendered sex. Although that seems to be a super popular way for many to get down, it obviously isn’t the only way - especially between queer folks!
What is Queer Sex Anyway?
“Queer” sex simply refers to any type of sexual activity between two or more people who identify somewhere within the 2SLGBTQIA+ community. It’s sometimes referred to specifically as “gay” or “lesbian” sex, however, this completely erases any other type of identity within the community!
Having Queer Sex
Sex between queer folks is different from sex between cisgendered & straight people for a variety of reasons and acknowledging this first and foremost, can create the most pleasurable sexual experiences each time!
1. Naming body parts and discussing beforehand
Not everyone likes the same words for their parts whether it be for dirty talk or just in general reference. For example, whereas one person may love the word "pussy", it could cause another to cringe. Going over which words you prefer or turns you on/off ahead of time can help to avoid any possible ICK’s.
2. Discussing consent and boundaries
Now obviously these aren’t reserved to just queer sex, but there are some boundaries or “off-limits” things (such as certain areas of the body or types of activities) that are more likely to come up during sex between queer people. Discussing these things ahead of time keeps things consensual and everyone on the same pleasurable page!
3. Self-define what “sex” means to you and your body personally
As there are all types of ways to experience sex - especially queer sex - it’s important to self-define what “sex” even means to you and your body. For example, whereas one person with a penis might consider sex to include a blowjob, another might not. Some folks might not consider mutual masturbation to be sex, but we definitely do!
Once you can define what sex means and/or looks like to you personally, it’s a whole lot easier to share this information with potential sexual partners, and you can design your own sexual experience together - kind of like a “Build-Your-Own” sex kit!
4. Remember that your gender expression doesn’t define your sexual role
Especially with queer sex for some reason, there tends to be a lot of labeling or “roles” that can be defined for how we have sex. As we know, labels are important for many folks’ identities, however, they can also be hella limiting.
“Tops” don’t look a certain way, not all femmes are bottoms, and whatever other type of stereotype needs breaking - break it! How you look, what you wear, and how you identify/express your gender does not indicate your role in the bedroom - that's up for you to decide!😉
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