Look we get it, sex is messy. And more than that, not all sex can be great; sometimes it’s off and the chemistry just isn’t there. It can be awkward, fumbly, embarrassing, and even hilarious!

To celebrate the Anniversary of Stag Shop, we’ve created an annual series that takes you into the intimate, and often hilarious sex lives of some of our staff. To check out last year’s stories from our staff, click here!

We may be the sexperts & professionals, but we are definitely all still human. From those of us here at head office to all of the staff in our various store locations - we’ve been there. So sit back, relax, and enjoy reading about the very TRUE and anonymous HORRIFYING sex and masturbation stories all supplied by our wonderful Stag Shop staff!

1. My Raspberry Buddy

In highschool, I just happened to be hooking up with our super hot foreign exchange student. One day we were in his room and it was one of the hottest days of the summer, we were both sweating but it wasn't stopping us. Things were going great but then he slipped out and I...."queefed". This had never happened to me and before I could stop myself, I blurted "I swear that didn't come out of my butt!" I could swear the silent moment to follow lasted a lifetime! After a beat he absolutely roared with laughter. I could not have been more embarrassed! We managed to move on in the moment and now, while we're with other people, we are still friends. To this day however, if we're chatting or if he's here for a visit...he'll blow "raspberries" at me.

2. Mama, No!!

When I was 16, I was seeing this guy casually. One day we're in his basement and no one is home. We're messing around on his couch and we get into the mood very quickly. Without bothering to fully remove any clothes, I slide one pant leg off and pull his down, pull a blanket around our waists, throw my leg over and facing him, hop on! We weren't at it for very long but I guess we were into it enough not to hear someone come home. Next thing we know, the basement door is open and his Mom walks in. Seeing as we were basically fully clothed, she didn't realise what was going on and began talking to us about what's for dinner. He immediately opens his mouth, probably to tell her to leave when I shoot him a shut up look! I'm trying to be calm and I'm responding accordingly, hoping she'll just finish talking and leave. The tension was too much for him though, he finally breaks and yells at her to get out. At first she looks shocked and doesn't understand why he's upset and then you see it dawn on her. She doesn't leave, she proceeds to yell! After a minute she asks if we're wearing a condom...and I'm not kidding...he actually decides to prove it - but when I move, it comes with me still inside...which leads to more yelling. After finding the "lost condom" I grab my clothes and ditch to the bathroom. When I come back, I find her sitting on the couch next to him sobbing, having a heart to heart about him being her favourite child and that is why she is so concerned. He still wasn't wearing pants, just a blanket over his lap. Needless to say...I never went to visit again.

3. The Cam of Mormon

Once upon a time when I used to cam... It was a casual night just sitting there chatting with the viewers. It was sort of hard to read what they were saying as I was sitting away from my laptop. Someone randomly said something about being Mormon! I laughed innocently and said I didn't know much about Mormonism- thinking it was a pretty random comment. Everyone was super confused and I didn't realize why until I had read the chat and realized he called himself a moron. I was so embarrassed but I hope I gave some people a good laugh that night.

4. What A Doll

As a head office employee, sometimes we see samples of certain products we might be bringing in and/or the first to see them when they are in. When we first got one of the lifesize sex dolls in, I was so curious to see how it worked! Especially as someone who writes the product descriptions, I wanted to check out just how the doll really looked, felt, etc. As most curious people do, I touched, squeezed, moved, and handled the doll in a way to be able to best explain how it worked to customers. Little did I know that the whole time I was doing this, I was being watched by the IT department on the cameras!! It became a joke in our office how they can’t leave me alone with the dolls now and I don’t think I’ll ever live that down!!

5. Stopped By Paw Patrol

It was Christmas and my son who just left for college was visiting home with his new girlfriend. While they were in the basement “hanging out”, our family dog ran upstairs with (presumably her) panties in his mouth!! My son tried to play it off as though the panties were a new “gift” he had given his girlfriend for Christmas, and how was I to argue that? Sniff them and disagree?! Absolutely not. So we both just exchanged awkward glances and needless to say, the girlfriend hasn’t come back since.

6. Tickle Me Pink

After we got home from Oktoberfest one year, we threw our clothes on the bed and my partner went to take a shower. When he got out, he sat on the bed for a second without realizing that a bright pink Oktoberfest feather was now stuck to his butt. As he walked around naked, trying to “get me in the mood” I burst out laughing and removed it from his butt. After he realized what had happened, we both burst out laughing.

7. Damage Control

I went on a date with this guy and things were going well! We ended up fooling around in his car after dinner and didn’t stop there. I didn’t tell the guy I was a massive squirter and I ended up squirting ALL OVER HIS INTERIOR. The guy got freaked out and didn’t talk to me after that. UNTIL he asked me for coffee a few weeks later to give me the bill for detailing his car.

8. Family Matters

When I was 16 I got in an accident which caused muscle damage to my shoulder that also causes my arm to dislocate often. I found this out in a very awkward sex situation with my teen boyfriend that included his whole family seeing us naked and in position. I was on top and my shoulder popped out, so evidently I started screaming. We were 17 and I was living with him at his parents house. When I started screaming his mom ran in thinking he was abusing me and the rest of the family (step father and 10 year old sister) followed. They found me on top of him (he’s still inside of me) naked and I’m screaming telling them all what happened and to call 911. The ambulance came and had to remove me from my position and take me to the hospital completely naked. My boyfriend's mom was not impressed by all of this and I was asked to move out shortly after this.

Thanks for another year of making Stag Shop so successful <3