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If you haven’t heard of the 5 different love languages popularized by Dr. Gary Chapman, it stems from the idea that different people give and receive love in different ways.

They are:
1. Acts of service
2. Receiving gifts
3. Quality time
4. Physical touch
5. Words of affirmation

Generally speaking, everyone has a combination of all five within them but one or two often resonates more with each person. You can take the test here to figure out what YOURS is! The more you know about your own personal love language(s), the more helpful it can be to communicate your needs and connect deeper with loved ones.

The Big 5 & Sex

So what do the 5 love languages have to do with your sex life? Well ultimately, they are a tool that you can use to better understand yourself, even on a sexual level. Applying them to your sex can allow you to view your sexual needs in a whole new way and maybe even help you to communicate those needs easier to a partner.

It can also help to increase intimacy between you since you’ll both likely be feeling more loved and connected during your sex. Based on each of the big 5, here are some ideas of how you can better incorporate your love language(s) into sex!

1. Acts of Service

For these types of people, actions speak louder than words! Anything you can do to help them or make their life easier including chores, favours, etc. is the goal. People with this love language can see that you respect their time and that you want to help make their lives as stress-free and pleasurable as possible.

“Make it Sexy”

Try to be selfless in the bedroom and do whatever you can to make the focus all about them and their pleasure. Some ideas are an extended oral session, using all of their favourite toys on them, or helping with any of the prep or cleanup. Get out the lube, toys, BDSM tools, etc. ahead of time and let them shower off while you deal with the mess afterwards.

2. Receiving Gifts

If their love language is receiving gifts, that means they like getting trinkets, experiences, or other objects that show that you were thinking of them. It can be a surprise or planned but it’s all about the actual *gift* itself and showing them that you know them well enough to get something that they would love.

“Make it Sexy”

Treat them to some lingerie or a new toy, whether it’s something new altogether or a replacement of an old fan favourite! Check out our other blog post with some tips & tricks on shopping for a partner. But if you didn’t want to spend money, instead, you could gift them a night of their favourite sexual activities, a DIY’d boudoir photo, or a BDSM scene written just for them and their fantasies.

3. Quality Time

People with this love language really focus on the “quality” of time spent together rather than the “quantity”. This means spending time together mindfully, aka not watching Netflix or scrolling Tik Tok. While generally this means being physically together, long-distance couples can make it happen too, especially with the help of video chat and app-controlled toys of course!

“Make it Sexy”

A quickie is not the way for someone who loves quality time! Slow down, take your time, make lots of eye contact if you’re comfortable and generally just try to show them that you’re really present in the moment. You could always try new things together too as usually there is more time involved with communicating, researching, and potentially shopping for new items together which can all draw out the experience into even more quality time together.

4. Words of Affirmation

If their love language is words of affirmation, you should speak up as these people prefer that you express how you feel about them with words! Things like compliments on how they look, or praise for something they’ve done well are things that they are going to want to hear, especially from a partner.

“Make it Sexy”

It’s time for some dirty talk! Express verbally how F@#$*%! HOT they look naked or in lingerie and narrate all of the things you want to do to them or you want to do together. Alternatively, when they are giving you pleasure, emphasize how good it feels when they do ____ and if it’s working for you (which it probably is!), compliment their technique!

5. Physical Touch

Lastly and probably one of the more obvious ones is physical touch. Most people assume already it’s related to sex - but it doesn’t have to be! Things like holding hands, cuddling, sitting on someone’s lap can all provide physical contact for someone with this love language.

“Make it Sexy”

Touch may be obvious for sex but dig deeper and get even more creative! Give them a massage - maybe one that is done with more parts of your body than just your hands, touch their neck & face when kissing, and if you’re using sex toys, take breaks and use your hands too! Try to be more intentional with your skin-to-skin contact by grabbing, squeezing and caressing parts of their whole body, not just the sexual ones!

Do you know what YOUR love language is? Tell us in the comments below!